O roses roses, the roses that i scorn,
of perilous love and bloody thorns.
Yet every metaphor, before their beauty, speechless became,
Embrace embrace, fondle i will, these deadly roses;
Every mimosa, in her radiance, cries in shame,
To death, To death, bleed i will, for her divine kisses.

Sunday, July 17, 2005
Long i've broken my promise and made absence of this entry that is due such a long time ago. My apologies, but do understand the moments i have outside do not last eternally and i certainly had needed the one or two days in the weekends to vent my frustrations, that which i will explain further with clearer details in the later parts of this entry. Anyways, i am here finally for an entry which probably will be one of the longer ones if it all flows well.I can identify so many sources of frustration, anger and helplessness even offhand right now its scaring me and apparently a majority of these seem to be intertwined with my posting into 41sar. Although i've been living in quite abit of comfort in 41sar, apart from the usual routine chores that is, i've noticed the huge temper rising within me. I have accumulated such exaggerating anger in me, that i've realised it must've been nothing else than the new camp which i'm spending 90 percent of the my time at not mentioning its ghastly inhabitants who has recently spiked my life with a phenomenal dosage of bitter anguish. I have absolutely no objection to living in perfect harmony with people of lower education level, proven time and again in the other camps i've been to, that is if they do not resemble, in any god damn ways, my current bunk mates right now. I simply find no word, not the filthiest of them neither the most extreme insult in english, what angels those words make of them. On the surface, i admit they suffice as friends by the lowest benchmarks. Yet upon close contact with them, not only have i looked in the eye of the most hideous guise of devilish beast in them, i also see an utter void of trust and integrity in this bunk. It takes a great deal for me to comment with such aggressive and unpleasant words, it has pushed me far beyond my point of toleration do i now speak in this current tone. I myself am a living testimony to the many instances their shallow friendships turned upon themselves and their responsibilities shrugged out of obligations to save their own skin, and further more as if that was not foul enough; they force it upon another, who is neither a source of frustration for them, nor obstruction to any of their unfair and biased transactions with the the officers higher up, which brings me to the next part of the problem in here.

Apparently even the officers have accepted sweet words of bootlicking and other tangible bribes, in turn they ensure life in general to be easy for a selected few. It is appalling to see people who does not at all deserve such treatment receive it, at the cost of others who have truly earned themselves of the treatment and yet deprived because they refuse to sell their conscience. We get people going to the medical centers with no apparent reason other than to skive on a hard days work. I can easily tell, the sergeants and officers know the truth of the status yet do nothing, NOTHING at all to curb this, of course causing a severe influx of jobs to be divided to the few who have chosen to face their conscience without guilt. I simply can not imagine how they can make such pretence of their status in army, do not they at all feel the sensation of shame and do they not blush at guilt?

I look at them, i look at myself; I see no common interests, no topics of speech. Devils! I shouldn't even mention interest. i find not even a single element i can identify and say we have in common, save the fragile skins granted to us. Their perspective to life is different, their fundamental manners and qualities are absent. Hark, notice i do not say they are straight and honest for they are not at all. They are cunning, calculative and what showcase of human evils they perform. i have tried my best to blend, deceiving myself it may perhaps be fine after awhile. But no, i've abandoned that naive mentality. I havent any remaining solution to them, to us. Conclusion, I now draw a line between us. There is no articulation of friendship nor any willingness for any as i speak to them. I do not consider them friends, if indeed a name given to this weird relation, i say stranger is the best, yet unfortunately army personnel is the most corresponding relation right now.One piece of news in 41 that merits any form of rejoicing and a little vacation for frustation, is the announcement that i will be most probably be training for the new 3G armour generation as my OC's gunner. May be old news for alot of people reading this right now, but i guess a little renotification doesn't hurt ?;) Then again this piece of news is still awaiting for the FINAL confirmation, that is me physically reporting for training. May not be so soon i suppose but i think it will commence quicker, i wish to move out of this bunk as quick as i can. The constant mental pressure and stress i am under as i live in this situation is inching me towards insanity everyday. I sincerely pin all hopes upon my transformation of a tankie to a bionix gunner.



Enough about army. Heh. Had so much fun yesterday watching 3 movies closely following each other lol. Mindhunters, Initial D, Romasanta-werewolf hunt. I thought the first one was pretty good! But i guess the friend i went with preferred the second and the last hehe. Im not denying the other two were pretty good too, but i thought mindhunters just had this unique x factor that attracts me, no idea what exactly is it though, or rather i am not capable of articulating it yet heh. And gee it was good, but a little straining on my eyes. Oh and zzz im still thinking of your present if you're reading this heh. zzz. mutters. Spent 79 bucks on some lord of the rings sound track too lol, no idea what got into me either. Should've bought the jazz music i was eyeing though, realised many of the songs in it were ochestral pieces and not vocals, except for a few main ones of course. Then again, a little pure music without vocals once in a while is pretty good too i guess haha..


Wow gee its been quite a long entry heh. and of course it has to end, which is exactly what im going to do now ;) Hang on

guys for my next post ;)
 posted by Homan on Sunday, July 17, 2005